When you don't like who you married

Many women I talk to tell me they married expecting a best friend, a confidant, a spiritual warrior, and a cuddle-bunny, all rolled into one. Many men I talk to tell me they were expecting a Godly but nymphomaniac sex vixen, the "righteous fox" promised by youth pastors, who would validate them at every turn and support all their crazy dreams. It seems that most of us were sold a bill of goods that didn't quite match up with our expectations. 

Admitting that you are dissatisfied with your wife or husband is a scary thing to do. It feels like failure. It feels you're just trying so hard every day to keep it together, to keep a smile on your face, to keep the marriage machine running. For your kids. Or for your church. Or to prove your mother wrong about everything. Trust me, I know, it's scary. But do it. Admit it. Admit your dissatisfaction with your spouse... don't say it to them, that's unkind, but admit it to yourself. And to God.

Now breathe a sigh of relief. Now that you have been honest with God and yourself, your marriage can start over. Let go of all the frustration that you have because your husband or wife is not what you wanted, and ask God to open your eyes to see who they actually are.

Here's what I think you'll find: Your husband or your wife is an exquisitely beautiful creation, made in God's image, unique and unlike anyone else on this planet. You get to spend the rest of your life discovering and unpacking this beautiful human. If you let go of your preconceived ideas about them, and let God show you who they really are, I'm confident you'll find more to love than you knew was there.  It might not happen overnight, and it might not solve all your problems, but it will be a big step in the right direction.